Bereavement when Children Leave Home[i]
Mrs.
S.C.'s youngest daughter, and third child, 22 years old, just left home to set
up her own apartment, not too far away. With the departure of her two older
children, she felt a deepening sense of threat to her feeling of being needed
by them. When her third left—not for the socially approved reason of marriage,
but to assert her own independence—a pervasive sadness deepened into
depression. While overtly, her concern was for her daughter's welfare
("How will she manage?"), actually, she felt a profound sense of
rejection at this step. She became overwhelmed by feelings of failure and
unworthiness.
The major cognitive
components of the depressive affect clustered around irrational beliefs and
demands that reflected: self-blame, guilt and unworthiness ("It's all my
fault", "I should have
done differently","
I failed
them", "I'm not a good mother", "I'm a rotten
person"); self pity ("If they cared for me, they wouldn't leave
me", "Poor me!"); anger and condemnation ("They shouldn't
do this to me", "They're selfish"); magical thinking and the
need for order and control ("If they had listened to me, everything would
be all right", "That's not what I wanted for them", "I'm helpless,
therefore I'm no good"); perfectionism ("Nothing seems to work out
right any more"); low frustration tolerance (It's not fair", "I
can't stand it!").
THE "EMPTY NEST SYNDROME" AS A FOCUS OF DEPRESSION: A
COGNITIVE TREATMENT MODEL, BASED ON RATIONAL EMOTIVE THERAPY*
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